


The Shape of Happiness

by Angel Ascending (angel_in_ink)



Series: The Mighty Nein Go To The Beach! (Critical Role Relationship Week 2018) [6]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Also Cali/Jester but it's not the main focus, Also Marshmallows, Critical Role Relationship Week 2018, Gen, Happiness is Being With People Who Love You, Melancholy, Sometimes Yasha Is Good With Words, long walks on the beach
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2019-05-27 03:24:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15015590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angel_in_ink/pseuds/Angel%20Ascending
Summary: Cali knew it didn’t do to dwell on sad things, but sometimes she couldn’t help it. The truth was, she was going to miss the simple joys of being with people who didn’t shy away from her appearance, who could see past the black scales and the claw and the tail, who could look her in the face without flinching at the piercing gaze of her draconic eye. She was going to miss everyone’s company, miss falling asleep in Jester’s arms, or sleeping alone but with everyone else around her, almost close enough to touch. Maybe someday she could travel with them again, for longer, forever, if they wanted her. But right now she had her goals and the group had theirs, and it was as simple as that.





	The Shape of Happiness

Cali could honestly say that the happiest days of her life so far had been spent on the beach in Nicodranas with her friends. Jester and Beau had taught her how to swim, she had gone shell collecting with Nott, listened to Molly tell stories about his time in the circus and heard Fjord talk about sailing on the sea and had several discussions with Caleb about both books and magic. There had even been a sleepover, complete with gossip and giggling and more sweets than Cali had ever seen in her whole life, much less eaten. Cali had fallen asleep that night in Jester’s bed, surrounded by all the other girls, and only through strength of will hadn’t cried out of sheer happiness.

Cali felt a little like crying at the moment though, and she sighed, upset at herself for her sudden fit of melancholy. Such things never lasted long with her, like summer clouds passing over the sun, but still it was an unwelcome mood. Her tail swished though the sand in her annoyance at her own self.

Jester, sitting next to Cali, looked up from her sketchbook, where she had been drawing Beau as a mermaid. “Cali? Are you all right?”

“Is it all right if I go for a walk by myself for a little while?” Cali asked, toying with the hem of her pretty green sundress.

“Of course!” Jester said quickly. “You don’t have to ask my permission or anything.” She squeezed Cali’s hand and kissed her on the cheek. “Just promise to be back before sundown, okay? We’re going to roast marshmallows!”

Cali had no idea what a marshmallow was, but Jester’s enthusiasm made her smile. “I promise,” she said as she stood, then looked down because Jester hadn’t let go of her hand yet. “Jester?”

“You didn’t answer my question, technically,” Jester said, concern clear on her face. “Are you all right?”

“I’ll be fine,” Cali said, squeezing Jester’s hand. “Don’t worry about me! Just could use a walk to clear my head a little.”

Jester nodded, satisfied with Cali’s answer. “You and Yasha both, I guess, she went for a walk hours ago. If you see her, can you tell her about the marshmallows?”

“I will,” Cali promised, and with that Jester let her go, and Cali walked up the beach, bare feet digging into the sand, her tail surely leaving its own track.

Cali knew it didn’t do to dwell on sad things, but sometimes she couldn’t help it. The truth was, she was going to miss the simple joys of being with people who didn’t shy away from her appearance, who could see past the black scales and the claw and the tail, who could look her in the face without flinching at the piercing gaze of her draconic eye. She was going to miss everyone’s company, miss falling asleep in Jester’s arms, or sleeping alone but with everyone else around her, almost close enough to touch. Maybe someday she could travel with them again, for longer, forever, if they wanted her. But right now she had her goals and the group had theirs, and it was as simple as that.

Cali wasn’t sure how long she had been walking, lost in her thoughts, or how long she had been hearing someone singing for, but once she heard the sound she couldn’t tune it out, not that she wanted to. The voice was beautiful, the words of the song in a language that sounded like water falling over bells, much fairer than Cali’s own singing voice, which had a draconic hiss to it that her regular speaking voice usually did not. Beau and Jester had both told stories about mermaids with voices so alluring that they could lead sailors to their death. Had Cali found a mermaid? She walked closer to the water until the surf was up past her ankles and scanned the shore, which was becoming rockier the further she walked, and spotted someone familiar sitting on a rock with her arms wrapped around her knees.

“Yasha?”

The shoreline darkened, as if the sun had passed behind a cloud, and a sudden cold wind blew, blowing Cali’s hair away from her face as Yasha’s head whipped around in surprise, her normally bright eyes gone completely black, the same as her hair, as two skeletal wings unfolded from her back.

Cali’s heart pounded in fear as she hissed, tail lashing in the surf, her draconic arm raised as if to cast a spell and for a long moment Cali and Yasha stared at each other in anger and fear before Yasha seemed to recognize that Cali wasn’t a threat, and both the fear and Yasha’s wings vanished. Cali took a step back and lowered her hand.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you!” Cali said, and realized that Yasha had said the exact same thing, at the exact same time, though Yasha’s voice was softer. Yasha’s eyes were still black, but as Cali watched the black drained out of her eyes like ink to reveal their true color, and the black in her hair faded to white.

“I am sorry,” Yasha said again. “I was… a bit deep in my own thoughts, and didn’t hear you approach.”

“That’s all right,” Cali said, her heart still racing. “I could leave you alone, if you want? I didn’t mean to intrude.”

Yasha shook her head. “You don’t have to go.” She pointed to a rock next to her. “You can sit, if you want.”

Cali took that to mean that Yasha would prefer her company to solitude, and climbed up on the rock that was next to hers. Yasha had turned her head to look back out over the ocean, and Cali followed her gaze. Far off in the distance, storm clouds were gathering.

“I’ll have to go soon,” Yasha said. “Not today. Not tomorrow, I don’t think. But soon.”

“Does it make you sad, when you have to leave?” Cali asked, turning to look at Yasha. Yasha kept looking straight ahead, out over the ocean.

“It’s a necessary thing,” Yasha said. “When the Stormlord calls, I go. No use being sad over it. I am grateful he gave me this time to be here with everyone. I miss them all, when I have to leave.”

Cali nodded. “I’m going to miss everyone,” she said, picking at the rock with her claw. “I’m already sad about it, and I hate that, because there’s no use being sad about it _now_ , when I’m still here with everyone! I should be happy. I _am_ happy. Five years ago I thought happiness was sleeping on silk and eating fine food every day and being surrounded by shiny things and that the price for being happy was to occasionally kill people who had things the cult wanted, and I did that. Gladly. And now I know that happiness is friends talking around a campfire and laughter in the middle of the night and people who are glad to see you because you’re just, you know, you, and I don’t want to stop having that. Except I still have things to do to make up for what I’ve done, and I can’t stay either, like you. And I’m rambling, I’m sorry.”

“It’s all right,” Yasha said, and she looked away from the sea and instead tilted her head up towards the sky. “They’ll wait for you, you know. Your friends. _Our_ friends,” Yasha amended. “Not like, physically wait for you, they have their own paths to walk, but like, emotionally wait for you, leave a space in their hearts for you to come back to. It took me awhile to learn that.” Yasha shook her head. “I’m no good with words. That’s why I send you flowers instead of long letters, like Jester does.”

“I love the flowers,” Cali said. “I keep them all! And all your notes, and all Jester’s letters. Maybe it’s the dragon blood that makes me keep everything, but I don’t care.”

“Maybe it’s just good to surround yourself with things that make you happy whenever you can,” Yasha said.

“I don’t think you’re as bad with words as you think you are,” Cali said. “You helped me feel better.”

Yasha looked at Cali then, and smiled, just a little. “I’m glad of that.”

There was a long moment of silence, and Cali realized with a start that the sun was beginning to set. “Oh! Jester said to tell you that they were going to be roasting marshmallows tonight!”

“I have no idea what marshmallows are,” Yasha said, getting down from her rock.

“Neither do I! But Jester seemed really happy about it.” Cali went to climb down from her rock and found Yasha standing in front of her, hand already outstretched to help her down. Cali took the offered hand, and smiled.

It turned out marshmallows were squishy and made from sugar, so basically Jester if she was a confection of some sort, which meant of course that Cali enjoyed them immensely. She sighed happily and leaned against Jester, adding another happy memory to her hoard.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic ended up miles away from where it started from in my head, but that's nothing new. 
> 
> I'm angel-ascending over on Tumblr if y'all want to stop by and say hi!


End file.
